The Sorting Hat of Politics

Yes, that's right: the sorting hat of politics. It is, after all, the day of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1's coming out, and I am obsessed with politics, so the sorting hat of politics it is. And what I mean by that is that I will go through a list of US political figures, both current and historical, and declare which Houses I think they have the most affinity to. Two notes: first, I'm not putting people 100% into a given House. Instead, I'll give an overall House choice, in bold, and then list what percent share of that person's soul, so to speak, each House has. Second, my interpretation of the various Houses is going to be slightly non-canonical, conforming perfectly neither to the Sorting Hat's songs nor to the actual distribution of personalities amongst the Houses. The song traits focus on primarily the following: Gryffindor, bravery and chivalry; Hufflepuff, loyalty and hard work; Ravenclaw, intelligence and curiosity; Slytherin, cunning and ambition. On the other hand, the real-life traits are more like this: Hufflepuff, boring and bland; Ravenclaw, also fairly bland, tending toward airy; Gryffindor, Being The Good Guys; Slytherin, Being The Bad Guys, and racism. I am not going to treat Being The Good Guys or Being The Bad Guys as controlling. My classification scheme will work roughly as follows:

• Gryffindor: Heroism, assertiveness, sweeping efforts to make the world a better place. Includes the idea that one can apply that aggressive pursuit of good in a misguided way and do much harm.
• Hufflepuff: Some combination of blandness, ordinariness, and the "neutral competence" image. Also with a flavor of populism and/or modesty.
• Ravenclaw: Intellectualism, thoughtfulness, etc. I actually think Ravenclaw's one of the simplest Houses, and it's also clearly the best (though I won't apply it in a good = Ravenclaw way).
• Slytherin: Cunning, self-advancement, and underhandedness. Racism included but not dispositive; that is, some racists may have traits that outweigh the pure racism. Ambition is more or less discounted, since essentially all politicians are ambitious.

Actual classifications coming below the fold.
George Washington: Hufflepuff, 80%; Gryffindor, 20%. He epitomizes one of the facets of Hufflepuffitude, namely, the let's-all-get-along feeling. The Gryffindor is a hat tip to his military history.
John Adams: Ravenclaw, 55%; Slytherin, 45%. Adams was a serious intellectual. The Slytherin is due to his highly pompous verging on monarchistic style, and for the Alien and Sedition Acts.
Thomas Jefferson: Hufflepuff, 85%, Ravenclaw 15%. Another epitomal Hufflepuff. Similar to Washington, really: very modest, unassuming. Jefferson was a hyper-partisan, though, and a genuine intellectual; thus the Ravenclaw.
James Madison: Ravenclaw, 100%. He was practically a philosopher.
James Monroe: Hufflepuff, 35%; Gryffindor, 25%; Slytherin 20%; Ravenclaw 20%. Not a lot to go on here. I give the nod to Hufflepuff based mainly on the whole "Era of Good Feelings" thing as well as his compromising spirit. Gryffindor is from the Monroe Doctrine.
John Quincy Adams: Ravenclaw, 65%; Slytherin, 35%. Sort of absorbed into his father here as far as Ravenclaw is concerned. The Slytherin is from the Corrupt Bargain of 1824.
Andrew Jackson: Gryffindor, 55%; Hufflepuff, 45%. The man who invented the Imperial Presidency gets to be our first Gryffindor. He shows some of the dark side of Gryffindor, since he committed atrocities. Hufflepuff is for his radically democratic style and leanings.
Martin Van Buren: Ravenclaw, 45%; Hufflepuff, 35%; Slytherin, 20%. Fairly bland; none of these are very strong. I could see arguments for any of the above. Notable for his upper-crust, elegant style, whence the Ravenclaw and Slytherin; Hufflepuff comes from his Jacksonian leanings.
William Henry Harrison: Gryffindor, 90%, Hufflepuff, 10%. He was a frickin' war hero; that's pretty Gryffindor. Hufflepuff for his populist style, even though it was faked.
John Tyler: Slytherin, 100%. He betrayed the party that elected him and later sided with the Confederate. Not a particularly egregious Slytherin, there's just nothing else.
James Polk: Gryffindor, 90%; Hufflepuff, 10%. Had an ambitious agenda, including a war with Mexico, accomplished it all, was done. Hufflepuff for that "was done" part.
Zachary Taylor: Gryffindor, 80%; Hufflepuff, 20%. Another war hero. Liked to compromise and was a moderate on slavery for a Southerner; thus the Hufflepuff.
Millard Fillmore: Hufflepuff, 65%; Slytherin, 35%. Yes, this combination. He's just so tremendously bland. The Slytherin is for the whole "know-nothing" thing, which was after all kind of a sketchy secret society.
Franklin Pierce: Hufflepuff, 60%; Slytherin, 40%. Hufflepuff for the good-man-just-sort-of-muddling-along thing, Slytherin for being a doughface.
James Buchanan: Slytherin, 100%. Conspired with the Chief Justice to create Dred Scott, and fiddled while the South seceeded. Pretty Slytherin to me.
Abraham Lincoln: Gryffindor, 60%; Ravenclaw, 25%; Hufflepuff, 15%. Being the man who attacks and destroys slavery gets you Gryffindor Points. Ravenclaw for being a genuine political philosopher and educated and all that. Hufflepuff for the log-cabin side of things.
Andrew Johnson: Hufflepuff, 55%; Slytherin, 45%. He was, after all, a loyalist, when being a loyalist was remarkable for a Tenneseean. Slytherin for his actual Presidency and sympathies with the former Confederacy.
Ulysses Grant: Slytherin, 60%; Gryffindor, 40%. Flagrant corruption, anyone? Symbol of corruption in American political history? That's him. Gryffindor for the war-hero thing.
Rutherford Hayes: Hufflepuff, 85%; Slytherin, 15%. Extreme blandness is controlling here. Sort of won a sketchily-bargained election, giving him some Slytherin.
James Garfield: Gryffindor, 100%. The only thing he did as President was give a highly idealistic Inaugural Address.
Chester Arthur: Hufflepuff, 100%. Never particularly wanted to be President, never particularly tried to be President, but when he was President, enacted broad civil service reforms.
Grover Cleveland: Slytherin, 80%; Hufflepuff, 20%. Slytherin for being a Gold Democrat, favoring creditors and the wealthy. Hufflepuff for the slightly urbane, populist-y flavor.
Benjamin Harrison: Hufflepuff, 75%; Gryffindor, 25%. Hufflepuff for being a generally consensus-seeker and advocate of civil service reforms; Gryffindor for supporting civil rights.
William McKinley: Gryffindor, 65%; Slytherin, 35%. He both resisted a march to war and then kicked ass in that war. Slytherin is for his general support of monied interests.
Theodore Roosevelt: Gryffindor, 100%. War hero, courage, etc. etc., vigorous crusader for progressivism etc. Epitomal Gryffindor. Note the dark streak of imperialism, though.
William Taft: Ravenclaw, 80%; Slytherin, 20%. Lawyer and a judge, and took in general a nuanced approach that was neither radical like his predecessor nor conservative like he was perceived. Slytherin for underhanded tactics at 1912 convention.
Woodrow Wilson: Ravenclaw, 80%; Gryffindor, 20%. He was the President of a University. Gryffindor is for the whole "world must be made safe for democracy" thing.
Warren Harding: Slytherin, 75%; Hufflepuff, 25%. Also massively corrupt. Hufflepuff for the whole "return to normalcy" thing.
Calvin Coolidge: Ravenclaw, 65%; Slytherin, 35%. Acerbic wit. Slytherin for being pro-wealthy, and because I needed something other than Ravenclaw.
Herbert Hoover: Hufflepuff, 85%; Gryffindor, 15%. After all, he was an engineer by trade, and was all about the neutral competence. Unfortunately... The Gryffindor is for what I think was a rather can-do attitude and some good-faith, though ultimately useless, efforts to halt the Depression.
Franklin Roosevelt: Gryffindor, 55%; Ravenclaw, 30%; Slytherin 15%. Gryffindor for the obvious stuff, the stuff we remember him for. Ravenclaw for the educated and patrician style. Slytherin for winning four Presidential elections, Court-packing, and Japanese internment.
Harry Truman: Hufflepuff, 60%; Gryffindor, 40%. Another one of these men of the people, together with the whistle-stop tour. Gryffindor is for his zeal in pursuing, well, everything, really, with the classic Gryffindor tendency toward executive overreach and/or excessive military aggression.
Dwight Eisenhower: Gryffindor, 100%. Guy was a war hero, that's really all you can say of him. Denouncing the military-industrial complex also pretty bold coming from him.
John Kennedy: Gryffindor, 70%; Ravenclaw, 20%; Slytherin, 10%. The idealism, really, his defining feature. Ravenclaw 'cause he had a bit of scholar in him; Slytherin because of his rumored and/or documented scandalous private behaviors.
Lyndon Johnson: Gryffindor, 70%; Slytherin, 30%. Gryffindor for his Presidency, which was about as Gryffindor as I can imagine. Slytherin for his time as Master of the Senate.
Richard Nixon: Slytherin, 100%. Richard Milhous Nixon is everything Slytherin. Seriously, go down the line of Slytherin attributes: he's got 'em all. Even the Southern Strategy to appeal to the paranoid racism.
Gerald Ford: Hufflepuff, 100%. The healer and bridger-of-divides after Nixon.
Jimmy Carter: Hufflepuff, 100%. Such a classic Hufflepuff. About as epitomal as Jefferson.
Ronald Reagan: Gryffindor, 60%; Slytherin, 40%. Big on the stark right-wrong contrasts. Slytherin, obviously, for being a big fake.
George H.W. Bush: Hufflepuff, 65%; Slytherin, 35%. It's the "vision" thing. Slytherin for being, literally, a spy.
Bill Clinton: Ravenclaw, 40%; Hufflepuff, 35%; Gryffindor, 25%. He is, after all, brilliant intellectually. Hufflepuff for his common-man aura. Not sure where the Gryffindor comes from, but it's there. I can almost see a case for giving him some of Slytherin, too.
George W. Bush: Gryffindor, 55%; Slytherin, 45%. Yes, Gryffindor. I'm being kind here, to both Bush and Slytherin. (I haven't been very nice to Gryffindor, have I?) He's got the whole "you're either with us, or you're against us" thing goin' on. Note that he's a very, very Dark Side Gryffindor. Slytherin for lying every time he opened his mouth.
Barack Obama: Ravenclaw, 80%; Gryffindor, 20%. The whole college professor/constitutional scholar thing. Gryffindor for having the most ambitious domestic agenda on any side of the isle in decades.
Hillary Clinton: Slytherin, 40%; Ravenclaw, 35%; Gryffindor, 25%. Mad cunning. Crafty like a fox. But I think she's also our first Good Slytherin. Ravenclaw for being brilliant; Gryffindor for fighting like hell for a cause she believed in (health care) for decades.
Dick Cheney: Slytherin, 100%. No need to explain. He's like Slytherin, but with the honest parts removed and just the evil left over.

Anyone named "Kennedy" is automatically a Gryffindor. Mitt Romney is a Slytherin for being smarmy and ambitious. Huckabee is a classic Hufflepuff. Gingrich has a little of everything in him; I can see arguments for any House, really, but I think I lean toward Gryffindor just because of the fieriness. Sarah Palin ain't Ravenclaw, and she just feels so fake and self-serving to me that I lean Slytherin, though she's not really crafty enough to be a Slytherin. She's an incompetent Slytherin, really.

Among Presidents, we have 14 Hufflepuffs, 9 Ravenclaws, 14 Gryffindors, and 6 Slytherins. That's all 43 men who have been President (Cleveland isn't a different House each time he was President!). I think I was being generous in making people non-Slytherins, and a lot of bland persons fell to Hufflepuff by default.