Jesus was a Conservative? Dude, do you know what "conservative" means?

Herman Cain apparently thinks that Jesus Christ was a conservative. No, seriously. "Never before and not since has there ever been such a perfect conservative." The substance of his argument seems to be that in the years of Jesus' life the welfare state did not exist.

Now, never mind the fact that, as far as I can tell, Jesus Christ never espoused anything remotely resembling a political philosophy, save perhaps for the line about giving to Caesar what is Caesar's, which sounds to me like an early formulation of separation of church and state. He's all about moral philosophy, and his moral philosophy is all peace, love, and kindness (plus a bit of theology). Now, conservatives like to claim that that's their moral philosophy, but that they just don't believe the government is the appropriate agent for that philosophy. But liberals also claim that that's our moral philosophy, and that government should be the agent. So the fact that Jesus' moral philosophy was peace/love/kindness doesn't seem to suggest any particular political philosophy. Even if it did, he was living in the pre-democratic age when all things political philosophic were different.

But, uh, does Herman Cain know what the word "conservative" means? It means resisting change!!! That's the definition. Wishing to preserve the status quo. "Holding to traditional attitudes and values and cautious about change or innovation, typically in politics or religion." Does that sound like Jesus Christ to you? Hell no! He was a frickin' revolutionary! The Pharises and such were the conservatives, the ones who saw this rabble-rouser trying to overthrow their nice elite-empowering religious traditions and didn't like it one bit. Jesus was the guy trying to upset the applecart, to radically re-shape all ideas theological or philosophical. The one deeply and profoundly critical of the system. The guy with the beard and sandals. Not a conservative. Look it up.